brightyounow | being an omegaverse scholar was all for this

Entry tags:

being an omegaverse scholar was all for this

[In the grand scheme of things, Andrew doesn't think much about his relationship with Neil now that it's more defined. They're together. They're exclusive. That's all he needs or wants from a relationship.

When he was younger, maybe, Andrew thought a lot about what it would be like to be bonded. Media always made it seem so romantic: coming together with another person and deciding to tie your lives together. Forever. Which is, maybe, what made the prospect terrifying as he got older. It felt claustrophobic and appalling to tie himself to one person and only one person. What if he made the wrong choice? There's not many options for getting out of a bad bond—Andrew has some amount of faith that Aaron would help him however he could if he ended up in a situation like that, but still. He doesn't want it to ever be an option.

Which is why even agreeing to label his relationship with Neil was a bit terrifying. It's been good, though. Great, even. Bee says they have a really healthy relationship and encourages him about it a lot.

But still. The idea of bonding has never once actually crossed his mind. It has especially never crossed his mind while sitting around in their apartment and drinking a protein shake.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Neil was fairly sure that things with Andrew were going great. They had come through some crazy things together, and had worked through a lot. For Neil, Andrew was his first, last, and his everything so the idea had been pinging around in the back of his head.

He had never been good at planning, and less about keeping anything a secret these days from Andrew. So, he had moved to the sink, turning on the water he grimaced and washed off his plate.]

We should bond.

[For a moment, Andrew just makes a vague noise of agreement. Then, what Neil said actually sinks in and Andrew nearly chokes on his drink.]

What.

[It's slightly panicked, in a way that only Neil would be able to determine, because listen. Andrew likes everything to be planned out and neat. He wants to be able to prepare for conversations that affect his life, not have them randomly sprung on him after breakfast.]

[Neil continues to clean the plate, putting it on the dish rack. He turns leaning back against the sink, drying his hands with a hand towel. When he was finished with it, he slung the towel over one of his shoulders.]

Bond. Us. You bite my neck.

[He taps right where the mark would go.]

Right here.

[Andrew says nothing. He understands the general concept of bonding: even if he did, Aaron gave him the worst sex-ed talk while they were still at Palmetto as some kind of brotherly gesture of approval about Neil. It was about bonding and what to do if the bite doesn't stop bleeding and the whole thing made Andrew want to die or stab something.

Still. Bonding with Neil...? Andrew's not sure what he thinks about that. He doesn't lie to Neil, so he says:]

I don't know.

[Neil considered that. It was hard for Andrew to make snap decisions, so he understood where he was coming from. He wasn't hurt, instead he turned and put the hand towel back where it went on the arm of the oven door.]

Okay. That's fair.

[For now he wouldn't bring it up again.]

I'll head to the store soon, did you put everything on the grocery list?

[It's gotten to the point where Andrew isn't worried that Neil is going to secretly hold the denial against him. It's not a no anyway. It's a I have to think about this. And call Renee, probably. She's the only one who will let him privately have a freak out about this and not laugh at him. Or at least if she does, she'll do it after he hangs up.]

Yeah. I checked it over last night. [A beat.] Actually, I need another pint of ice cream.

[He's going to eat the one in the fridge. Is it bad to eat your feelings? Yes. Doesn't matter.]

Okay, I'll go ahead and make sure that I grab everything. Do you want to stay here or go with?

[Neil asks as he stretches his arms over his head and moves past Andrew on his way to the door. Again, it wasn't a no, so Neil was content to wait and knew that Andrew might need some time. So, he won't really be upset if he doesn't go.]

What type of ice cream do you want this time?

I have to make a call.

[And also he needs the twenty minutes or so Neil will be gone to have a really long think about the concept of bonding. Is his kneejerk instinct to say no his actual feelings, or is he just thinking about everything that coul go wrong?]

Get me the strawberry cheesecake one if they have it. If not, just regular strawberry.

Okay, got it. I like the strawberry with the strawberry chunks in it.

[Neil tells him as he heads towards the door to get into Andrew's car. He still refuses to buy himself a car and would rather share the Maserati with Andrew when he does use a car. And groceries? They dictate the use of a car.

He turned and gave Andrew a smile and heads out.]

I'll be back in an hour.

Okay. See you in an hour.

[Andrew keeps trying to buy Neil his own car, but knows better than to do it without Neil's actual permission. Neil doesn't want a car, no matter how much Andrew wants Neil to want a car. Instead Andrew just buys Neil expensive clothing to satisfy his need to spend huge amounts of money on Neil. Also he finally got Neil to agree to stop buying clearance meat at the grocery story, but that was more of a practicality thing. They need protein for exy and quality protein is better than shitty meat they have to toss half the time.

Once Neil's gone, though, Andrew calls Renee who lets him ramble for ten minutes before gently saying "You're describing someone who hurt you in the past. Is Neil that person?" which... no. No, Neil's never hurt him. Neil would hurt himself before he hurt Andrew. Bonding in general is terrifying, maybe, but the idea of bonding with Neil is.... fine? It's fine and maybe he should stop worrying about things that would literally never happen.

He's still mulling it over when Neil gets back, though, because it's still a huge decision. There's factors to consider.]

[It was a little over an hour, but Neil made it back with the correct type of ice cream and everything else they needed to get through the week. He had taken his time knowing that Andrew needed space, but now he busied himself getting the groceries put up before hanging the keys where they normally rested.

Even though Neil's first instinct was to run sometimes, he wasn't very inclined to run away from the situation now. Things were backwards in a pretty fucked up society already, but that didn't mean Neil would tolerate having to stay quiet about what he wanted when he wanted it. Choosing his bondmate was a luxury that he never would have been able to afford had his father or the Moriyama's kept a hold on him.

But other than that, it felt right. Looking over a box dinner, Neil frowned.]

I think I forgot to get tuna. I thought we had some.

[He was trying to ease back into normalcy for his partner.]

There's some in cabinet with the cat food.

[It's said kind of absently, because Andrew's still thinking about the logistics of getting bonded to Neil. Now that he's pretty sure he's going to say yes, it's more about figuring out what the best course of action is and the paperwork they're probably going to have to file about it on account of being professional exy players. He hates paperwork and he doesn't trust Neil to do it.]

Like, hidden behind the wet food.

[It's technically for the cats, but it is human tuna.]

Isn't that the cat's tuna?

[He puts down the box and goes about carefully getting into the cabinet and finding the tuna where Andrew said it would be.]

We will have to get more for them, and for us.

[Because, yeah, he wasn't going to deal with King and Sir being upset because they didn't get a treat when Andrew was in the mood to do so. He also didn't want to be held responsible for that, so to the fridge he went and he wrote and underlined the word tuna.]

Hey. If we get bonded, you have to deal with Kevin.

[That's the sticking point Andrew's going through right now. He's not dealing with Kevin's probable rant about how bonding affects exy performance. He can already fucking hear it and it's making him tired.

Everything else he's neatly slotting away in a "to deal with" or "not a concern" pile.]

I always deal with Kevin when it comes to things. You don't get to hear him as much as I do anymore.

[He turned and leaned back against the cabinet putting the can of tuna next to the box dinner. He was kind of excited to work on it, what was becoming of him? Was he going soft. He tapped the box with his pointer finger.]

It's happened. I've been domesticated.

Oh no. The horrors.

[Andrew finally gets up from the couch to wander into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he eyes the box dinner.]

Next thing I know you're going to accept one of those meal box sponsorships and be cooking us stuff not from boxes.

[Which would be fine. Honestly, Andrew kind of likes that Neil's found a hobby? Or at least something enjoyable that isn't exy. And also it has drastically cute down on their take-out bill, which is kind of a plus. More money for cat toys.]

Now you're just dreaming.

[Of course, he wasn't but Neil was taking things slow. He had never really been one to eat more than fruit and vegetables when he was on the run with his mother. Take out and gas station food had been a large staple in his life as well.

Staying in one place for so long had been almost confining in a way, but he had worked through it with Andrew. He'd wake up in the morning and again look to the windows and doors, look around the room they were in, the house they had together, and he would talk himself through staying all over again.

He loved his life here with Andrew. There was no reason to run anymore. He turned and grabbed the box and started to open it, pulling out the packets and the pasta.]

I hear we're allowed to do that now. Dream. Want things.

[It's said quietly, because if Neil's had to learn how not to run then Andrew's had to learn how to be okay with being selfish. He's allowed to want things without justifying them, allowed to have the impossible pipe dream of Neil. Of someone who wants to stay with him forever, apparently.

The thought is still a little terrifying, if he's being honest, but at the same time... nice? It's nice to know that Neil wants right back.]

Yeah. Definitely.

[It was easy to agree with Andrew. He had wanted a life, he wanted to play exy, and he wanted to stay beside Andrew. Everything he wanted he had. So, he was happy with everything, he turned and grabbed a pot and put water into it and turned the stove on, placing the pan down.

He turned his head to the side to look at Andrew.]

Is there anything you want?

I think I would be okay with wanting to get bonded to you.

[For someone who's usually direct to the point of rudeness, the statement is a bit circuitous. He's not quite ready to say he wants to be bonded to Neil yet, but he's okay with the idea. It's more than he had an hour ago.]

I want... this. Forever.

[Andrew gestures between the two of them, unsure of how to encompass wanting the totality of everything they've been through in the English language.]

[Hearing the confession from Andrew nearly made him over rip the packet he had in his hands. He stopped and looked at Andrew, and carefully sat down the packet, turning off the burner.]

Forever is a long time. Are you sure?

[A nice warmth settled into the pit of his stomach at the words. Neil took a step towards Andrew a smile on his lips, one that he would be unable to bat it away or hide it, so he didn't try. He murmured.]

Yes, or no?

... Yes.

[It's the answer to both questions. By this point, the specifics of what Neil is asking consent for aren't important to Andrew in the way they used to be. The fact that he still asks is what Andrew cares about. Neil knows how to touch him, and he's fine with being touched right now so saying yes is the easiest thing in the world.]

[Neil waited for a beat, reaching out finally to grip gently at the back of Andrew's neck. He stepped forward and kissed him once gently, and then afterward pulling back before pulling him back in for a firm and proper kiss. He had learned how gentle and when it was appropriate versus a more hard version that happened in the midst of other encounters.

He wanted to be good to Andrew, so he tried to remember all the things he liked, but wouldn't neglect the things he liked either. Pulling back, he smiled at Andrew.]

I think forever is good too.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

being an omegaverse scholar was all for this

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject